THE INVISIBLE WIFE

Growing up, “the invisibility power” was one superpower I wished I had; I never like attention or too many praises; I enjoy being the underdog but every underdog sometimes wants some accolade. However, since you don’t ask for it, you don’t need it, and slowly you become invisible.

One day a lady from church pulled me aside and said, “Thank you”. I did not understand what she meant; I had never done anything to or for her, or was she being ironic? She mentioned my husband’s name; I laughed because I thought she was trying to make a joke, then she said, “No, I’m serious”. She went on to elaborate, and it was then I knew she was serious; she explained how she always observed my husband, and she could tell that he has a good woman at home and she wanted to thank me, she told me that I am a good woman and I should continue doing what I am doing.
I did not know how to react; I said thank you, but I did not know how to feel. I just knew whatever that was; it felt strange and unfamiliar. Indeed it touched me, but I couldn’t understand why a woman I know little of would feel this way about me even to say thank you to me without me doing anything to/for her; it blew my mind. I’m not used to that sort of thing.

A few months later, thinking back about my encounter, I realised that I felt strange because I had become accustomed to people not noticing me. If anything at all, I am used to people thinking of me as the invisible one, the one they rarely see and when they do see her, you could almost feel their judgements even without them saying anything.

Side note: I also think familiarity plays a significant role, like when your spouse says, ‘you know I love you”. But should it stop you from saying it? The same goes for saying thank you. Should it be until you buy something for them or their birthday before they say thank you?
How about thank you for washing the plates, thank you for cleaning the house, thank you for putting the kids to sleep, and thank you for cooking the meal? Yes, it’s what we do; it’s a normal thing we have to do, but saying “thank you” wouldn’t take as much energy and time as it took them to get all those things done and funny enough, it sometimes does help.

One day I had a discussion with someone, and I said I would send her some money, so I sent the money to my husband to help me send the money to her as I did not have the means of doing that. A couple of hours later, my husband came back saying to me, “oh, she says thank you, she thought I was the one that sent it, but I told her it’s you” in my mind, I thought, how could she think so when I have just told her I would send her money perhaps since it was not in my name she thought otherwise.

Nonetheless, I thought to myself; that was a typical example of what it feels like to be the invisible wife; people see your husband, see what he does but forget a woman is pushing him forward. They forget (aside from God) that she’s probably the reason he’s able to smile at you, he’s able to help you out, and he’s able to go out and be himself. They forget that an invisible wife is holding the fort, ensuring he doesn’t return home to hell.

So, when I look back on my encounter with that woman, I now know how to feel about it and believe it or not, I treasure that encounter now because I may never reencounter such.

Now that I know what invisibility feels like, I’m starting not to like or want it so much.