When you expect better from an older person (Fat Shaming, Fashion mishaps etc)

You must have listened to last Monday’s Podcast where I talked about African Parents ( Listen here). In today’s post, I will continue with another story about African Parents.

I am sure everyone does this irrespective of race, but my story is to do with an African Parent. They gossip behind you and when they see you, they ask you the most irrelevant thing that makes you wonder where the heck did that come from; you could tell almost immediately that they had been talking about you.

This story, however, I find odd and it raises some issues;

A couple of years back, I had worn a pair of trousers unbeknown to me was very transparent. It was a black material and had just arrived a few days before. I never really tried it on to notice it was see-through. On this day at an event, I quickly changed into these trousers and did what I had to do. It was after the event that my husband made me realized how transparent it was. If I knew, I would have worn biker shorts underneath or something because I would not have been comfortable wearing it.

Fast forward to a couple of years later, I was at a gathering when a lady who was present at the event asked me this question “where is that your size 10 trouser”? I was confused as to why anyone would ask that question. Seeing my confused face, “the one you wore on that day (she mentioned the event)” Still confused, I went “oooooh”. Why ask those specifics “size 10”, why ask about a trouser ????????.
Is she mocking me because I have gained weight? ( The reason behind the weight gain was very obvious)
Or is she wanting to point out the revealing trouser without actually saying it? Whatever it may be, that was a very odd question to ask someone you barely know.
I had not realised she was at the event until she mentioned the trouser.
Then someone familiar tried to somewhat cover it up by saying “oh she was saying she didn’t recognise you ……” I laughed saying “well the trouser I am wearing now is size 10 too” (and it was). “So what’s your point then,” I said within me. Why didn’t she say she didn’t recognise me from the last time she saw me two years ago, why ask about my size 10 trousers instead.

If you have a problem with me, why not just get to the point though I barely know you.
If you are trying to point at my weight gain, that’s horrible. If you are trying to point out the revealing trouser that I wore two years ago and instead of you saying it directly (however irrelevant it may be ), it says a lot about you.

When you expect better from an older person and they go on to prove otherwise.

A few issues worth raising here is;
I am not sure why she asked that question but it certainly didn’t come from a place of love and acceptance, at least it wasn’t received that way.

To bring up something that happened two years ago says a lot about the person. There were so many things that could have been said from that event two years ago. It appears the trouser was the highlight for her (lol). People have fashion mishaps all the time but that doesn’t define them.

Fat-shaming comes to mind here, who told her the trouser was size 10 in the first place? There was no need to be that specific about the size, you were trying to tell me I have gained a few.

People see one thing about you and judge you based on that. We need to be less discriminating and try to correct in love.