The Stupid Wife

A good woman is not hard to love; Don’t lie to her, Don’t waste her time, and Don’t make her feel stupid, especially for loving you.

One morning, I came across this quote, and it hit me, especially the last statement. Now some may not agree with this. I think there are many ways to love a good woman, but I have to be honest; whoever said those words wasn’t lying either.

When I was single, although I never really said it to myself, within me, I was sure of one thing I was not going to be stupid for any man. I never believed the word “love is blind .”It’s a wrong statement to say to anyone, whatever relationship I walk into, I will open both my eyes, including my spiritual eyes; no blindness here; every spirit of blindness is cast out.

I was sure I would never look /act stupid for any man, but there was one thing I forgot; “not to feel stupid. “ You know you can look stupid but not feel it; it’s all about perception.
Throughout my dating relationship with my husband, I am pretty sure I looked stupid to many. From my reflection, I did look stupid on a couple of occasions, but I never felt it because I was sure this was the man God had prepared for me. I certainly looked stupid to my family, “I was throwing my life away,” “I can do better than this, “He will derail you,” and so on. You would think my husband was the Devil himself when you hear this.

Thankfully, they finally succumbed and accepted him, but I never once felt stupid in all of these, not because I had confidence in him but because I had faith in God. Yes, my husband made promises to me. He also looked stupid to his “family” ( I put the family in the quote because these were not his real family, luckily, his real family was very accepting of me), but he also stuck to his guns.

The real story here is a few years into the marriage, and there it was; I was starting to feel stupid. It’s strange; it was not the first year; people always say the first year is always the hardest, but in my case, it wasn’t; we had money issues, but I don’t know what it was, but the first year was pretty much smooth sailing.

I will not go into details of what happened, but the feeling of being stupid hit me hard. I thought to myself that because I have been the understanding wife, the cool wife, the supporting wife, the mature one, many things have been taken for granted to the extent that I now feel stupid. I felt taken for granted, disrespected, and it was the worst feeling ever.

When I was single, I told myself I would never cry for any man; well, I have probably cried a river by now because I felt stupid, disrespected, and taken for granted.

Before you make up your assumptions or conclusion, I would love to iterate this; it is not what you think it is. This marriage thing is not all it appears to be; there is work involved from both parties, it’s daily work, it is two people trying to make it work, and I understood that. My husband was clueless. He had no idea how specific actions affected me; he still didn’t seem to get it even after communicating it. To him, he was doing all the right things, and to his credit, he was (well, in a way), because at a point, I felt like I was the one with the problem “he is a good guy, “ I would say to myself, “ he is kind, friendly and very helpful to other people, so what’s my problem? “. My problem is how he was doing it, and in hindsight, even back then, I was sure that there was nothing wrong with me feeling that way; I have every right to feel respected, appreciated, and acknowledged. I have the right to feel like I am his number one (aside from God). That was part of the agreement, for crying out loud, when I said I do. To cherish me!!! ………….. (to be continued )