The Action Wife

I thought my husband was the enemy.

The year was 2020 when I felt lonely for the first time. My husband started working from home; I was home too; we were both under the same roof but never together. Suddenly, expectations were roaming in the air. I felt I was the only one to meet such expectations, but I was equally dying inside; they say communication works; I was communicating, but no one heard me.

Eventually, One way or the other, we came out of it ( perhaps the further communication to God and one another did the job), and almost a year later, it came back again. This time, I saw my husband as the enemy; I blamed him, “if only you were this, if only you did that if only, if only……..”. I was getting weak, and I needed him to pick me up (that’s his job!!), I was looking inside, and I failed to look outside. While I was busy bringing up past mistakes, his incapability, and his role/job, I did not look at myself and the external forces pushing me to feel that way.

I am not one to dish out blame; I hate to dwell on problems, I love to talk about solutions, I get thrilled from finding solutions, but this time I was weak; I was down to my knees and needed him to pick me up.

It took my therapist to realize that the problem was not my husband; the problem was the external force that had come into my home. It doesn’t mean that the external power was a bad one, but it made me realize that my husband and I are more similar than I thought, and there was something about this external force that was affecting us both. Unfortunately, we felt like we had no choice, so we let it be.

The moment I realized that I knew what to do, I took action. I have always been the proactive one in the marriage, but I expected my husband to suddenly switch roles (no, Jane, it doesn’t usually work that way).
We are all a work in progress, including our marriages, but there was a massive difference when I took the necessary action with communication and prayer.

As much as it is good to look within, we need to look outside too, and most of all, look up; your husband may not be the enemy.

PS: I know I mentioned prayer here but have you ever felt so weak that you can’t even pray, as much as I would love to say I prayed fervently during this season but to be completely honest ………(to be continued in the next post)