I Was Desperate, Lonely, and I Cheated…

I know, the title alone makes you pause.

It sounds messy, scandalous, disappointing. And honestly? It was.

Before you judge, before you close this tab, please hear my story.

I love my husband. I truly believe he was a gift from God to me. When we first met, I was sure he would be the man to protect my heart, see my hidden pain, and love me with a depth that would heal every place inside me that felt empty.

I expected him to notice when I was quietly falling apart.
I expected him to see the tears I cried alone in the bathroom.
I expected him to love me the way I needed to be loved.

And for years, I kept hoping. I kept waiting. I kept believing that one day he would understand how much I was hurting, how lonely I felt, how unseen I was, even while living under the same roof.

But day after day, it felt like talking to a wall. I would pour out my heart, hoping to feel better, but it was as if my words disappeared into the air. The loneliness only grew deeper.

And then he came.

An old childhood friend. Someone who saw me, really saw me. He knew the right words to say, the gentle encouragement, the moments to simply listen. We would go on long walks, talking about life for hours, sharing dreams, fears, and hidden aches I couldn’t voice to anyone else.

And slowly, our connection grew.
It felt like rescue.
It felt like being seen.
It felt like love.

One thing led to another, and there I was—emotionally entangled in a place I never thought I’d find myself.

I realised I had been placing impossible expectations on someone who was never meant to carry them. I was trying to draw worth, identity, and healing from a relationship that was never meant to replace what I truly needed.

And yet, strangely, this “affair” led me to the One who could.

You see, this “affair” wasn’t with another man.

It was with Jesus.

In the loneliness of my marriage, in the emptiness of waiting to be seen, I realised I was trying to force a human to meet needs only God could meet. I was expecting a man to heal places in me that were God-sized, God-shaped, and God-designed.

And so, I “cheated.”
I ran into the arms of the Lover of my Soul.
His name is Jehovah.

In Him, I found a love that truly saw me.
A love that healed the deep places I had tried to patch with human words.
A love that didn’t tire, didn’t shut down, didn’t grow impatient with my tears.
A love that made me whole enough to return to my marriage not empty, but full.

I still love my husband deeply, but I stopped expecting him to be my saviour.
I learned that only Jesus could carry the weight of my heart, the fullness of my longings, and the healing of my past.

And you know what? This “affair” with Jesus saved me. It saved my marriage. It saved my sanity. It saved my soul.

Why am I sharing this?

Because I know I’m not alone.
I know there are wives reading this who feel invisible in their marriages.
Women who feel unseen, unheard, and quietly slipping into emotional exhaustion.
You’re longing to be noticed, held, understood.

Friend, no human can fill the God-shaped ache inside you.
Not your husband. Not a friend. Not a mentor. Not even your children.

Only Jesus can.

He is not intimidated by your loneliness.
He is not weary of your tears.
He sees you, understands you, and invites you into a love that will never run dry.

And yes, He wants a relationship with you too.

If you’ve never invited Him in, I pray you will.
If you’ve pushed Him aside while waiting on others to fill your emptiness, I pray you’ll run back into His arms.

Because the love of God is worth sharing.